Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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