if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I want her autograph on my taint
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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