oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
