Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
