Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
