Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
