we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
