please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
