im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
