this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
