Having a random hookup so left but love u
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
