Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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