PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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