Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
