No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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