He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
