Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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