Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
