how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
