why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your dad touched me again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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