can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
