I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
