piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize