RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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