She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
