Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
