She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
