you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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