Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
