I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
