I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize