Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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