Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
