I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
