you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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