we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
