The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
