do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
