Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
