I love black thongs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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