I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
