wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
