Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need Xanax blowdarts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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