I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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