ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
