Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
