pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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