"it" just moved
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
