Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
