I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
