i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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