I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
