we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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