So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
