I think my vagina is haunted
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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