you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
