6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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