I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
