Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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