im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
