i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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