I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
