Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize