How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
