there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
