why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
