Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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