U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
