I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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