Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
