You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize