Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
