You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
