We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
