Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
